BLIND FOLD
you knew a girl dressed in black
and you tried to put her in white
and you tried to put her in glasses
but it was all too big.
because a rough one did it
with lead in his eyes.
approaching you shaky
hesitant hand
I said,
new love?
I don't know how.
there's nothing to know. all you need is a pair of open eyes.
oh, look! I gave you those.
the last time I gave myself in love --
I lost myself,
and I lost you.
am I him?
no.
is that even possible with us?
no, Lord.
new love.
true love.
you know that wasn't true.
this feels unreal.
trust.
how?
if you could see --
oh, how I love you --
I know, I think --
I'm so sorry.
may I ask you to help me see?
I still feel the cotton dress.
glaring fluorescents were my only lights
and hot blue sky sliced with jetstreams
and a single lamplight at one in the morning.
still feel the rough on my thighs,
that vinyl carpet.
heavy climbing up the mountain,
my chest felt like an anvil
hammering heart, begging you to refine me
surely it was me
oh, you saved me.
for to find myself across the valley
on the banks of the colorado
folded into the blinding white
of frozen ocean waves
I couldn't take it all in.
this air now felt free.
I lay as a limp cloth on the chairs
wrung out but still tasting sea salt
this mountain water was clean.
I heard the woman roar
slamming the ceiling that heaven was colliding with right now
my collapse was a collision
and I see them now,
lying by the stained glass windows
but they walked over to my row with my eyes closed
I see that they covered me with hands
I see them lifting me into family.
I touched love.
it feels like kelsey's palm all the way through my hair
it feels like robbie's fingers on my temples and jaw
and you saved me.
I'd been dreaming of a home
something you'd recognize
I couldn't find it on my own
but found that fighting is collapsing.
under the blood, it's all rosy.
you saved me.